"It's a bad morning. I feel like I should be awarded 'Worst Mother of the Year'. The number one reason is I left John M. at the babysitter's when I knew he was sick. The worst part about it was he threw up the minute I walked in the door. Everywhere. The entire bottle of milk that he had drank this morning. I still smell like regurgitated milk, in fact. We cleaned him up and I thought about how maybe I should take him home and stay with him. He's been sick all week. First a cold, then a low-grade fever, now this. I didn't feel so bad about having him at the babysitter's earlier in the week because his symptoms were pretty mild. I had to take Anna to the doctor Monday and Mark's been out of town, so I've been taking off a little time each day to bring the girls to school. I thought about that, the fact that I have so much to do today at work, and the fact that I honestly feel like he's in better hands with the babysitter. She has him on a schedule, he eats more......."
This is a post I had started on Friday. It's Monday now. What a difference a weekend makes!
I was feeling awful about the situation when I started to write this Monday. I felt so guilty for having left my baby when he was sick. I was trying to rationalize why I did it, but it wasn't working. I think the bottom line was I was tired, tired, tired. Not having a helper, aka Mark, for 3 days apparently can do that to me. I'm no spring chicken anymore, you know.
The good news is John M. is better and back to his old self. As is Anna (she had the virus first and missed 3 1/2 days of school). The weekend was good. Nice weather and lots of time with the kids and Mark.
I'm trying to learn that I need to cut myself some slack and try not to feel so much 'mother-guilt'. I don't know if it's working but I'm trying.