Trying to try harder

I received a few IMs from my buddy MarkD down in the Caymans. He is one of the very, very few who apparently still keep up with this dwindling blog. Thanks, Mark!

That prompted me to look back at a few of my old posts, and I realized how much this blog that I started over 6 years ago helps me to remember the past.

I was reading my posts from when Katrina hit New Orleans, and if I hadn't put my feelings down on virtual 'paper', I don't know that I would see them as clearly now.
I have a terrible memory and often have to be reminded of things that have happened in the past by other people. It's getting worse with time too . . .

So, as I've said before, I'm going to try harder to update more often. My middle baby turns 14 tomorrow and when I began this thing, she was John's age, just 7. Seems like a lifetime ago. I do remember back then being afraid to face my kids getting older and not needing me as much. Now that it's here, I see that most of my fears didn't come to be. Maybe that means I should start worrying less? That probably won't happen.

New Post

Look, MarkD, I'm doing TWO in a row. Ain't no stopping me now.

I think I may need a hobby. For the past 15 or so years, my life has been almost 100% about my kids; bringing them where they need to be, trying to get some 'quality' time in whenever I'm not at work. Independence is almost here for my oldest; she gets her license in 6 weeks and has a car waiting for her. She even has a summer job lined up (to help pay for gas hopefully!). I'm hoping her new independence allows me to be a bit more free myself. I have friends involved in different interests, but when I think about it, I don't really have anything I can call a 'hobby'. I spend some free time reading and playing on FB, and wasting too much time with games on my iPhone. Yes, I'm an addict when I swore I never would be.

I'm thinking about learning a bit about photography; I was interested in it in High School, but now, 25 years later, I've forgotten most of what I learned. I figure I'll devote some time a few days a week to learning the basics. Maybe I'll share a little on my blog. MarkD, you can tell me what you think.

Here's to following through...fingers crossed.

Not sure...

I'm not gonna lie. I totally forgot about this blog, until MarkD reminded me last week. I so much want to revive it because I enjoy having a diary of sorts. I have more incentive now because I'm pretty sure no one reads it anymore (except MarkD!).

Problem is, I find that I can't find things to write about. The words don't flow, and if I come up with something, I find it to be boring and too 'surface'. It wasn't that way so much when I first started blogging years ago. But for some reason, I can't get my groove back.

I don't even read blogs anymore; every now and then I try to catch up on one or two, but Facebook is my time sucker now. Although FB is good for communicating and setting up social things, it doesn't dig deep.

So, my intention is to get back into this. But I need inspiration. I need topics, and I'm not sure how to get there. If you have any ideas, (MarkD) let me know! Maybe if I lived in the tropics, it wouldn't be so hard...

B-ball

We just signed John M. up for basketball this winter. It's the first year they've offered it since he's been playing age. I'm so excited to watch him. He's only played with his cousins, Andrew and Big John, in the past, but they are great players. And good teachers for him.

My dad was a great basketball player, and coach for many years. Mark's dad played too. Mark's not so bad himself, so I'm hoping those 'hooping' genes kick in for John M. It's a sport I love to watch and it gets me excited like no other sport does. I can remember going to all the games when my dad was coaching and getting caught up in the spirit and excitement in the gym.

So, I hope 'Little John' enjoys the sport and has the love for it that 'Big John M' had and his cousin 'Big John' has for it now.

Go Hornets! Go Brusly Panthers!

Happy 15th Anna Adele

Tomorrow, my first baby will be 15 years old.
It sure was a lot easier when she was only 5, but she makes me proud every day.
I love you, AnnaBean!

Grateful Friday

This has been one of the longest weeks I can remember in a while; I think all of the worrying about my job situation made it drag and drag. Still counting my blessings though:

1.) Just watching the happiness of my kids, when they don't know I'm watching. I picked Emma and 3 of her friends up from Youth Group just a few minutes ago. I had the Sugarland CD playing with one of my new favorites, 'Shine the Light' and as it was playing, I just watched the kids through the window. Laughing and talking and just being carefree. It was the best part of my day.

2.) Having a day off this week and a good friend to spend it with.

3.) Visiting with my sister just for a few minutes today and being thankful that I have family so close.

4.) My mom and the 4 gazillion things she helps me with each week.

5.) A good lunch with a friend today who is planning her wedding!

6.) The beautiful weather we're having in South Louisiana

7.) Seeing Keith and Emily last weekend and having a mini-meatfest.

8.) Emma's 13th birthday party tomorrow. I hope she has a great time.

With so many things to be thankful for, why should I be worried about a job, right?
Okay, still worried, but grateful at the same time.

Slow It Down

Most days, I feel the need to slow my brain down a bit. My mind races sometimes, mostly with worries and things I need to get done. Does that accomplish anything or make anything go more smoothly? Definitely not. It's just the way I'm built.

These last few days have been worries about my job and whether or not I'll have one next week. And bills, tuition, braces, everything...

So, I'm trying to slow down and appreciate that my biggest worry is still very tiny compared to what many people are dealing with on this day.

So, I'm going to breathe, chill out and put myself in a 'happy' place. Like Cafe Du Monde where John is in this pic. ;)

Thankful Friday

It hasn't been the best week. We just got word of lay-offs in the agency that I work for. I've been with the State of La. for almost 20 years and nothing like this has happened before. Everyone is afraid that they may be on the chopping block and it's tense. We won't know for a few weeks exactly who will have to go. I'm trying to be optimistic, yet realistic at the same time.

Anyhow, Beki reminded me to count my blessings and put things in perspective. That's what I'll do here.

So thankful for . . .

- my wonderful work friends, who aren't 'co-workers' anymore, but some of my very best
'for-life' friends.

- a movie day planned tomorrow with all my girls.

- (this one's always on the list!) the health and happiness of my little family

- a new stove coming in Tuesday (okay, not the best timing with the lay-offs but who knew?)

- tons of pecans on the ground after all the recent wind!

- quiet Friday nights at home watching TV and eating gumbo

- the upcoming holidays with friends and family

The blessings far outweigh the worries. And that I'm very thankful for!

41

By the way, I'm officially 41 years old, as of last Thursday. I'd like to think I'm the same age as Anna, if you're dyslexic just on my part.

The thing is, I don't feel any older than I did when I was . . . say, 18. I remember my grandmother, Maw-Maw Jean, talking about that very same thing. I'm not sure how old she was at the time, but I was a teenager so she must have been in her 60s. She loved to travel with us to all of the LSU football games and she'd say how she didn't feel any older than she did in her 20s. At the time, I couldn't comprehend that. I mean, to me, she was O.L.D.
Of course, anyone over the age of 25 seemed prehistoric back then.

Anyway, now I'm starting to understand what she meant. And I feel so lucky and blessed to feel the same way. It's odd when you look in the mirror and see an older version of yourself, gray hair, wrinkles, smile lines, but you look away and could swear you're a teenager again.

I'm going to revel in this feeling while I have it. Age is only a number. I'm truly starting to understand that!

I remembered my account info!

I haven't blogged in over a year; last year was a crazy one. And this one has just been busy. I don't find that I miss blogging that much, but I do like the idea of having a diary of sorts to look back on. I read my friend Beki's blog and always think what a great way to look back and remember what was going on during a certain period of time.

I'm going to try and keep up this blog just for myself. Of course, I've said that before and it didn't happen so who knows? I have the day off today and will do anything rather than clean my house, so here I am.

The kids are at school and it's so nice to have a little time for myself. The picture here is John at his 6th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. It's hard to believe that he was just a little baby when I started blogging. Anna is going to be 15 in three weeks and Emma will be 13 a couple of weeks afterwards. Two teenage girls; it's interesting, I'll tell you that.

Well, here's my new start. I'll try to keep it up!

The 1st day of Pre-K, John M. version 1.0

by John M.

1.) They made us go to the bathroom, like 1 million times.

2.) We had 'mooncakes' for snack. I didn't eat 'em.

3.) I didn't pee all day. I didn't have to pee. (About 5 minutes later, guess what he asked me? You got it.)

4.) Me: Did you play on the playground?
Him: Not much times.
Me: Oh, how many?
Him: Just like 3. (I'm not sure how many times would have been 'much', maybe 10 or more).

Overall, I think he had a good first day. You never can tell with him because sometimes he's a little walking ball of negativity. Still, gotta love him. Here's to a good year!

Protected

Throughout Mark's entire sickness, one of my biggest concerns was that my children would be overwhelmed with unhappiness and worry. That they would always remember the Summer of 2009 (and possibly the whole year(s)) as a bad one; one that they would like to forget. I wanted so badly to protect them for the hurt.

So, I worked hard to keep them busy. Not so much with summer camps, as we've usually done in the past, but with activities that were new to them. And others that were familiar. We all went to the Angola Rodeo in the spring, and hiking at Tunica Hills. Jazzfest was a first in May, and we even got to meet Sugarland, one of their favorites. We took John to Orlando to see Mickey Mouse, and the girls were dying to see Uncle Keithy and Aunt Emily. We made a couple of stops at the beach too. Every time, I would see that look of pure joy on their faces (you know the one I mean), I figured that would remember this summer a little more fondly. I saw it while waiting for 'It's a Small World' and when they all got balloons on Main Street at Disney. I saw it when John saw his first waterfall at Tunica Hills and in the ocean the first day in Florida. He looked at me, and said 'Mom, this is beautiful, right?', while looking at the waves come in. All I could think of was that it wasn't nearly as beautiful as he was, as he asked me the question.

I hope Anna, Emma, and John do remember this time in their lives with a little bit of happiness, and know that we all came through it together.

Fishing

This spring and summer, John M. has turned into a little fisherman. Well, for about 10 or 15 minutes per fishing trip. He'll talk about an upcoming fishing trip every day for a week, and he'll be bursting with excitement when it's time to go. The pole is in the water for about 5 minutes, and he's 'bored' and wants someone else to man his Spiderman rod.

Mark said every fish he (as in almost 40-year-old Mark) caught last Saturday was on the Spiderman pole. What I think John likes about fishing is the one-on-one time he has with his Dad, or sometimes his Paw-Paw or Mike. He has to get tired of shopping with the three girls in his family, and wants to get a little dirty.



I look forward to him having more guy time with the men in his life. It's something he's missed out on lately, and I've learned he really needs. He already knows more about fishing than his mama. Maybe he'll take over soon as the one to bait my hook and remove the fish. As I've said before, I can't fish alone because all I do is pretty much 'man the pole'.

Back Into the Boring

I'm heading (hopefully) back into the boring life that I always took for granted. After the past 7 months, boring is what I want. Kids at school. Mark and I at work. Trying to balance it all. I never thought that was just what I wanted, or needed, but I've missed it.

Part of going back into 'real life' is trying to start up blogging again. It's something that I enjoyed when I started, and I want to try to keep it up, a little, at least. It doesn't matter if no one is reading it, I'll just do it for me.

To remember

I started this blog to remember; a diary of sorts (I know I've said it before...).

My lack of updating means I already forgot to remember many things.
Honestly now, there's not much I want to remember. I dread coming home in the evenings to sickness, depression and the unknown of what the day has to bring.
I never thought I'd see the day when I'd prefer to be at to work, rather than home.

But, (yes, there's a but) I choose to remember these things:

-Anna and Emma chipping in to watch their brother, taking turns sleeping with him every night so I can do my 'me' things.

-my mom helping with everything, from ironing, to babysitting, to listening to me complain all the time.

-the support of my friends, the offers of help, and loads of prayers

-my kids' laughter in the house, to make me realize that sometimes home isn't such a sad place these days.

Grace in Small Things Part THREE

Grace in Small Things, Part II

1.) Okay, the first is a big thing! Mark's PET Scan came back clear, which means the cancer has not spread to any vital organs!

2.) John's cute haircut today, that makes him look like a miniature man.

3.) So many special emails from friends that make me know that I am loved. I have truly come to believe that I could not make it without my friends.

It was a GREAT day today, for many reasons. Thanks to everyone who made it that way.

Grace In Small Things

I'm taking the lead from Jess and Chantal and joining in with this little project called 'Grace In Small Things'.

Please leave a comment and let me know if you found grace in something small today.

1.) A lunch spent laughing with friends.
2.) Mark sharing a little bit of good news with me on the phone.
3.) An email from my sister, reminding me that we're not polar opposites.
4.) A message from my cousin to say that we're in her prayers.
5.) Sunshine for most of the day! (this helps b/c I've been friggin' cold way too much lately!)

Stepping Up to the Plate

I'm not the type of the person who just drifts through life, not wondering all the horrible 'What If's?'.

-What if someone I love gets into a horrible car accident?
-What if one of my kids gets sick?
-What if I find out I have some dreaded disease?
etc., etc.

Sometimes, I think about these things far too often than the 'average' person should.

I was shocked none the less to find out last week that Mark has cancer. If anyone should have seen a big, bad thing coming, it should have been me, right? But I really didn't. We're not sure exactly what type yet, but we're pretty sure it's cancer of the throat.

He's dealing with it amazingly well. Me, on the other hand . . .
I really thought I was strong, but now I'm feeling not so much. It's so much up and down, I feel a little insane.

Good has been coming out of it though. I hope it comes out all good in the end. Please keep us in your thoughts. We're having to step up to the plate.

Can you believe it's been 10 years since we partied like it was 1999?

Well, actually I don't think I partied in 1999 either. Probably fell asleep WAY before midnight, with a just-turned-2 and 4-year old.

Said children are busy on their I-pods and cell phones as we speak. Weird.

I don't make resolutions, but I have been thinking about changes that should be made. I'll call them thoughtolutions, so as not to have them set in stone. And that will ease my guilt when none of them are accomplished.

1.) Stop it with the jealousy. If you're jealous, it means something's missing in your life, right, so do something to work on it. MUCH easier said than done.

2.) Tell people how much you love/appreciate/feel lucky to have them.

3.) Lose a little weight, why don't you? Nothing crazy, maybe 10 lbs before summer vacation. That's 5 months, get to it. (Today was not a good start!)

4.) Stop being lazy. That one's simple.

5.) Join something. Make friends. Get involved. (This will also help with #1).

Just things that crossed my mind this morning while feeling sorry for myself.

Hope everyone had a great New Year's Day. I spent it with my family; Mark, Anna, Emma, John M., my mom, my sister, Hawkeye, John, Katie, Andrew and Jenna, and without a doubt, realized they're the ones I'll always love the most. If any of you people above are reading this, thanks for making me happy.

Froggie

(If you're wondering, that picture above is the first one I found in a folder called 'Reneesframe' that Mark apparently made to load pics onto the digital photo frame he got me for Christmas. I was too lazy to go thru all of them so I picked the first one. It's mighty cute though, don't you think? OKAY, I'll work on #4 up there. YAWN!)